Peace Out Pixie

Peace out Pixie ✌🏼
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Yesterday I closed and locked my apartment door for the last time. The only place in my entire 45 years that I have I lived on my own. Pixie was the name given to my one bedroom sanctuary. The space I decorated in my favorite shades of pinks and greens. The recordings on the TV were all only mine. It is place I spent my first Christmas alone. It housed my hard candy Christmas tree perfectly adorned with pink candy ornaments. I spilled all things that make me happy into Pixie. Walking in the front door was a daily reminder of what makes me smile.
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She held me.
Bath tub soaks nightly that spilled into full body sob sessions. Morning devotionals that transformed to crying prayers. Pixie held me during some of the hardest moments of my life. She taught me it’s ok to sit in lonliness. She reminded me that truth will always prevail. What is worth fighting for and what is ok to let go. That tear stained pillows dry and that the sun always rises. I learned how to hold myself in the hard. Who I could truly count on, that people meant to be there show up in the messy. I decided there to fight for my life rather than to lose myself in it.
I started to choose me everyday.
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Pixie transformed me.
Clarified what was murky. Reminded me how to stand on the shaky ground beneath me. Held my hand when I needed it and let me go when I was strong enough to walk out, reminded of who I am.
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